A Bear, A Lion and A Pig

A bear, a lion and a pig meet.

Bear says: “if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear.”

Lion says: “if I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me.”

Pig says: “big deal…. I only have to cough, and the entire planet lives in fear.

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MrBrownShow – Wash Your Hands Too

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Women as explained by an engineer

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English 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10

This is hilarious…even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numbers!
Exclusively only to great Malaysian and Singaporean……..

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 . Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again back to 1.

This was what he came up with…

1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I run so fast until I felt 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he ran away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3! and jump down. I don’t understand, I so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.

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Jeff Dunham Achmed’s “Jingle Bombs”

 

very nice :D

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Life In Singapore (Jokes)

LiFe in SiNgApOre …  

In Singapore , the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB), and most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).

Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).  

If that’s not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD)and get more from you.

So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?

With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced to
Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA),Which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).

And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital (MOH),

You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF)fund.

If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never Use Heart (NUH) to treat you,   and you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).

To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE)..

If that doesn’t help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP)on the roads.

If you don’t own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT), OR get squashed in a bus Side By Side (SBS ).

Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax, not even the good old place we used to go because it has become So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!

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NO MORE 5C’S BUT NEW 5B’S

NO MORE 5C’S BUT NEW 5B’S………….
I don’t need a CAR, but I want a BMW
I don’t need a CONDO, but I want a BUNGALOW
I don’t need you to have CASH but I want you to own a BANK
I don’t need you to have a CAREER but I want you to be a BOSS
It’s interesting for you to read!
 
Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5C’s! :
Car, Condo, Credit Card (Gold), Cash and Career
 
Heard of the 5B’s?
B – BMW
B – Body
B – Brain
B – Billionaire
B – Bungalow
 
And, and addition with the 5K’s…………………
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)
 
We’ve been reading about the 5C’s! And 5K’s for Singaporeans now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia ’s equivalent….
 
Singapore’s ‘practice’ for Simple Living:
1 – One Wife
2 – Two Children
3 – Three Bedroom Condo
4 – Four Wheels
5 – Five Figure Salary
 
Malaysia’s Ma! lays ‘practice’ to Simple Living:
5 – Five Children
4 – Four Wives
3 – Three Figure Salary
2 – Two Wheels
1 – One-Storey Link House

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Jokes Part 1

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, 'School Ahead, Go Slow.'
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication
         on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L'
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe its wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today
          that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE : All right. 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
      same day, same time.'
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
         father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing
         it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
         didn't punish him?'
LOUIS : Because George still had the axe in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say
          prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly
          the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on
          talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher

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熊猫和小鹿的故事 （冷笑话）

熊猫终于股起勇气向小鹿表白。

熊猫：“小鹿，我喜欢你。。。”

小鹿：“不行。。。”

熊猫：“为什么不行？”

小鹿：“因为我妈妈说，戴黑色眼镜的是坏人。。。”

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